Rolka Nation | The Vegas Chronicles

Oct 11

A Limo, Bacon Martinis, Ass Juice, & Bleu Cheese

by Rolka Nation

I recently recounted the gang’s Ellis Island visit on our most recent trip, so let’s move on to another evening shall we? One of the many reasons to celebrate on this trip was that it happened to be during Kanuck’s 30th birthday! Naturally, being the golden-hearted people that we are, we wanted to do something a little special to commemorate this momentous day that brought us our favorite fun-loving, foul-mouthed, airplane-dippin’ Canadian friend.

A few weeks before the trip, the idea popped into my head to get a limo for a night out unbeknownst to Kanuck. I shopped around and settled on Presidential Limo. Their prices are reasonable and they come highly recommended in cyber-land. I easily found their website at http://www.presidentiallimolv.com/ and booked us a stretch limo for a couple of hours. The rate came down to $55 an hour, but we split this 3 ways.. With a fairly generious driver tip, it only came out to about $45 per person. Not too bad, especially if you’re going to be hitting several venues. If you have a group of 6 or 7, this is the way to go! On top of all that, each ride comes with a bottle of champagne, plenty of bottled water, and roses for all the ladies in the party. You’re also welcomed to bring along beer or other libations as you see fit.

Kanuck knew not of the limo, simply that we were going out and to be down in front of the Hilton at 6pm. Lady Kanuck did a good job selling him on this and that we’d simply roll up in a cab to pick them up. Not this time! Frankly, the surprise plan was executed flawlessly by all involved. Good thing Matthew Broderick wasn’t with us, he would’ve blown it for sure. Idiot.

Our driver, Kyle (I think), picked Don, Lori, Steff, and myself up promptly at Harrah’s and we headed over to the Hilton to get the Kanucks. We pulled up as they were sitting on a bench out front and rolled right within 5 feet of them thanks to the lack of a sidewalk. I opened the door and the evening of fun began. You should’ve seen the look on that green-blazered birthday boy’s face.

We popped the champagne and kicked things off right. I should also note that the limo comfortably seated us 6, but you could easily fit 8 in there as well. It also had nice long-stemmed champagne glasses, a tub of ice, and a good-sized TV complete with DVD player.

At this point, Kanuckwaspresented with a choice for pre-dinner beverages. All that was told to him was that he had to pick between “the sky”, “the dive”, and “the international”. I had 3 places in mind, none of which I had ever been to, but all of which I’ve heard great things about. “The sky” represented Voodoo Lounge on the roof of The Rio, “the dive” was the Double Down Saloon off-strip near Hard Rock, and “the international” was the Russian-themed vodka bar Red Square in Mandalay Bay. Kanuck pondered for just a second and went with “the dive”! This pleased me immensely. I have seen the Double Down Saloon on two separate TV shows so I was jonesin’ to check it out. I rolled down the partition and told Carl the driver (or was it Dale?), “to the Double Down Saloon good sir” and off we went.

This place was fantastic and the complete contradiction of glitzy Vegas stereotype. The Double Down was literally a dark, dingy, smokey punk rock bar. Graffiti littered all 4 walls, the juke box was full of nothing but the likes of Black Flag, The Queers, and The Sex Pistols, and there we were dressed to the nines and rolling up in a limo. The juxtaposition of the whole situation amused me greatly.

We spent a good hour here boozin’ it up. The place was practically empty (it was roughly 6:30pm) so we had free range. I had a very well-crafted vodka & tonic followed by a beer. Kanuck was in for a treat though. From the aforementioned TV shows that I had seen about the joint, I knew that their specialty was a bacon martini. So of course we made Kanuck have one. The bartended poured it and he took an apprehensive sip. What followed was a pleasantly suprised expression followed by another sip. I tried it and it indeed was not bad and truly did have a distinct bacon flavor to it. We asked the bartender how they make it and he pulled out a large vodka bottle with 3 giant strips of raw bacon soaking in it. Sounds revolting, but don’t knock it ’til ya try it!

The other house specialty is a little drink by the name of Ass Juice! A homemade shot concoction consisting of God knows what, I downed one before leaving and it was on-point as well. I then grabbed Kanuck and I two road-beers, called Rick the driver to let him know we were heading out, and off we went to our next stop.

Now to the dinner portion of the evening. Of course, with Kanuck being a true man’s man, a good steakhouse was certainly in order for this celebratory night. As I’m sure you know, any highly-rated steakhouse on The Strip will certainly be pricey. But I had heard tales of a great, vintage-style Vegas steakhouse downtown that wouldn’t cost one an arm and a leg and this was the one we settled on. I’m talking, of course, of Hugo’s Cellar at The Four Queens. Jason the driver pulled up and we parted ways for the evening. Ted was a great driver and Presidential was a wonderful limo service. Highly recommended.

None of us had ever been to Hugo’s Cellar but, again, the online reviews were impeccable. And let me tell you…the online reviews are 100% accurate. This place rocked. Down below ground level, Hugo’s does indeed have that old Vegas charm and was apparently a Rat Pack hangout in its day. Dark mahogany tables, plush red booths, waiters in full tuxes, this place was straight out of 1958 and that much better for it.

The food was outstanding. Firstly, this is unlike most Strip steakhouses in that you get a full meal with your cut of meat…not that a la carte crap where you pay $45 for a steak PLUS extra for sides, salads, and desserts. I picked out a nice ribeye with a bleucheese crust with a shrimp scampi add-on for about $36 and the others made their choices as well. First up was the salad. However my friends, this was no normal salad. Our waiter brought a cart up to our table and he each made us our own individual salad customized to our liking. The ingredients were choice and this was frankly one of the best salads I’ve ever had. The main reason…the bleu cheese. My. God. I never knew bleu cheese could be so good. It nearly reduced me to tears and a fetal-like position. That might have been the alcohol though.

Next up came my huge ribeye complete with more of this bleucheese goodness on top. It was top-shelf as well. The shrimp were also huge and absolutely fantastic. The mashed potatoes and asparagus capped a picture-perfect meal at a very reasonable price. After the main course, out came a big platter of chocolate dipped strawberries and apricots with fresh homemade whipped cream for dipping purposes. Again…brilliant.

Highly engorged and satiated, we headed back to Harrah’s for a little gaming action and called it a night.

Parting Thoughts:

– A limo is definitely a great idea for a group of people to split the cost between. It’s affordable, safe, and luxurious. Why not?

– Kanuck is a true wardrobe maverick

– The Double Down Saloon is badass

– Hugo’s Cellar might very well be a must on every future trip

– Everyone had a great time for Kanuck’s big 30th birthday evening

– Despite him telling me at least twice, I have no idea what the driver’s name was

Sep 17

Welcome to America!

by Rolka Nation

Oh Ellis Island. My heart feels with warmth every time I think about it. My soul recharges every time I walk thru its doors. You may have read my brief musings on this wondrous little casino in a previous post, but it’s certainly deserving of a full review. Read it, learn from it, go next time in town if you have not had the pleasure yet.

On our recent visit, I had sold the gang on firmly committing a visit to Ellis Island Casino & Brewery before we even left Atlanta. It didn’t take too much on my part; I’ve been singing its praises for a long time now. So on our first full day in Vegas; Don, Lori, Kanuck, Lady Kanuck, and I all made way to the best unknown casino in town.

First…some pertinents. Ellis Island Casino & Brewery is on the grounds of a Super 8 Motel on Koval Lane. It’s small and you certainly would never notice it unless you were looking for it. Yes, it’s off-strip. But, any cabbie will know it and you can actually walk to it. It sits roughly 2 full blocks directly behind Bally’s. If walking north on the Strip, turn right at the first street past Bally’s, pass the Westin on your left, and then hang your next right and you’ll see it beckoning for you. If you get lost, simply follow your heart.

Now I know what most of you snobs out there are thinking. “A Super 8?? Hell no, I’m not going there!” I urge you to get over that Matthew Broderick-esque way of thinking and take the plunge. As I also mentioned in a previous post, I don’t like to splurge too much on essentials period, including in Vegas. I’d rather not blow a ton of money on food and drink when I can better use that money for gambling and shows. This is what fueled my original journey to Ellis Island.

Simply put, the food at EI is incredible. Not only is it extremely cheap for what you get, it’s also insanely tasty and hugely portioned. The joint actually has 2 separate restaurants. First…you have the normal, more traditional casino-style restaurant that is straight and to the left as you enter. This place has a ton of good values such as a giant prime rib dinner for $10.99 and a steak & shrimp platter for just $8.99. However, the best value here isn’t even on the menu.

Just ask for the ol’ Steak Special when you order and you’re in for a treat my friends. The Steak Special consists of a nice sized top sirloin, your choice of potato, the veggie of the day, a salad, AND a pint of one of EI’s homemade brews including root beer! The price…$6.99. In my opinion, maybe the single best dinner value in all of Las Vegas. The steak is choice, the sides are solid, and throw in a freshly brewed beer to boot.

The second restaurant truly shines as well and this is where us 5 dined on our recent visit. The smaller patio restaurant to the right after entering caters solely to BBQ. And people, this is some serious BBQ that would fit in perfectly in Texas, Georgia, Memphis, North Carolina, where ever. You only have a couple of choices here, but go for the combo. Half a rack of babybacks, half of a full chicken, baked beans, potato salad, slaw, Texas toast, and all the rich, thick sauce you want. The platter is simply huge and can definitely be split between two if you want to go the wuss route. Price…$8.99. All in our party that night can attest to the sheer greatness of this meal.

What can make all of this even better? You can easily obtain a BOGO entree coupon (or 2 like we had) in the pages of the American Casino Guide or by hunting around online to essentially cut the price in half. Can you imagine that meal for $4.50?! Believe it.

The only drawback to this is that the BBQ and Steak Special spots are completely separate even though mere feet apart. Therefore, you cannot get the Steak Special at the BBQ restaurant and vice versa. This can create quite the tough decision. Being a BBQ connoisseur, that has won out for me the past few visits. Don’t get me wrong, the Steak Special is outstanding as well so it’s your call. I usually have a steak another night in Vegas, so I roll with the BBQ!

I’m also an avid beer lover and this is where EI hooks me even further. They make all of their beer onsite and have 5 different styles to choose from on tap. A great Amber, a Light Lager, a dark Stout, a Hefeweizen, and usually a seasonal. They also make a mean root beer as well. The price, $1.50 a pint. OR, free if playing. Did I mention this place rules? You can also get one of the best Vegas coupons as well through the same sources I mentioned earlier…4 Free Drinks. Yep, no catch. With the coupon, you get 4 free drinks including liqour. Don, Lori, and I were pleasantly surprised and thrilled when we cashed one of these bad boys in for 2 beers for me and 2 Johnny Walker Black and Coke’s for them. Stellar.

On top of all this, EI’s casino is a fun little place to play as well. They have a decent slot selection, a serviceable sports book, and a fun table game pit that always has $5 blackjack. On this particular night, we all participated in our first ever Blackjack tournament. A $25 buy-in gave you a chance at over $300. None of us won, but we rode that $25 out for about 40 minutes and had a pretty unique gaming experience. AND…Don got to sit next to what appeared to be a homeless, drunken construction worker with hair that would’ve made Don King jealous!

The casino also runs great promotions as well and caters heavily to locals and off-duty employees of other casinos. On a previous trip with Kanuck last year, I won a chance to spin a giant wheel in the pit that netted me 2,000 points on my player’s card. That equaled $20 worth of comps in the restaurants. We also got a T-shirt just for doing the aforementioned Blackjack tourney.

Ellis Island is an outstanding off the beaten path casino with ridiculously good food and great prices. I always consider it an essential 3 hour of so stop on each and every one of my Vegas trips. The restaurant can have a wait during peak dinner times, so get there around 5ish, play a little bit, grab one of the great beers or another libation, and come hungry. Check it out, you won’t be sorry. And tell ’em Pittsburgh Gil sent ya!

Aug 22

The Real Venetian

by Rolka Nation

As you may recall from a previous post, I was lucky enough to recently travel to Italy for a whirlwind 11-day journey. Traveling all across the country, I certainly saw a lot and it was undoubtedly an amazing experience. If you’ve ever wanted to go to Italia and haven’t yet…go. Seriously, just go. You’ll make more money. You’re not getting any younger. The time is now, do it. Listen to Pittsburgh Gil. Listen, learn, embrace, and embark.

The first stop on the trip was in Venezia. Yes…that’s the same as Venice. I don’t understand why we have to slightly change foreign city’s names just to make it a little easier to pronounce for us. That makes no sense to me and just screams ignorance and laziness. It’s Roma, not Rome. Firenze, not Florence. And Venezia. It’s not hard. I’m sure these name changes were rooted hundreds of years ago…but why did it happen in the first place? It’ stupid. Matthew Broderick’s ancestors probably had something to do with it I’m sure. So yeah, I will refer to it soley as Venezia.

Venezia was definitely a highlight of the trip. It’s a truly unique place in this world which is unfortunately becoming so increasingly rare. One can’t help but be awe-struck by the tiny streets lined with cafes, the liveliness of a crowded public square as an orchestra plays, the sight of the ceiling of San Marco’s Basilica, peering down a side alley at 5 gondolas in transit, or the fact that the city’s essential bridges are works of art all in themselves. The city has a charm all its own and should remain that way forever.

Ok, on to the subject matter of this blog…gambling. Upon arriving in Venezia, we took an airport bus to the last possible point where automobiles could go. After getting off the bus and beginning our walk to the hotel, you come across a bustling area where pedestrians can hop on a water taxi or vaporetti, the town’s public bus-like boat system. It was here that I noticed a boat for Casino di Venezia welcoming guests to whisk them off to the casino’s front doors. I, naturally, knew that I would patron this casino at some point.

Turns out, Casino di Venezia sits right on the Grand Canal and was only about a ten minute walk from my hotel. Once the trip itinerary came into focus, I planned on a visit during my last night in Venezia. This ended up being an incredibly interesting experience.

A little history of the joint. It was once a grand palace built for one of the city’s elite, wealthy families. Venezia was at one time the richest city in all of Europe and was the place to be in the 15-17th centuries. Colorful, vast palaces lined the Grand Canal and they are all still standing today, although not all are functional. The casino resides in one of these great structures. It was built in 1481 and finished in 1509. Apparently, the original residents of the palace enjoyed their gaming and would have near nightly parties where other Venetian big-wigs would come and blow a lot of money. Therefore, the casino has been a gambling den in some shape or form for 500 years. Amazing.

Now on to my actual visit. I must admit, I was a little intimidated as I was going alone and had no real idea of what to expect. The building in itself is very impressive and it certainly was not anything close to the style of casino that we know and love here. There were very few people directly inside, the actual gaming areas were nowhere to be seen, and there were 3 security guards at entry. But this didn’t stop me.

One’s initial step when going here for the first time is to visit a front desk where you sign up for entry and get your picture taken. I also had to show my passport and buy my first 10 euros worth of chips or slot money right then and there. Yep, no loitering in this place. You gotta play to stay!

Once that was taken care of, I went up the first flight of stairs and found a pretty small slot room. Slots were typical of ones we have here, but all video reel. I quickly blasted through about 20 euro with very little to show for it. Without a drink in my hand, the slots got old pretty fast so I decided to hit up the tables. The table game area was up another 2 flights of stairs, so I meandered my way up and was met by a suited old man at the door. I showed my sign-up card and tried to enter but he wasn’t having any of this. He spoke in Italian to which I had no idea what he was saying. Once he realized I couldn’t understand him, he called over another guy who then informed me that I must have a jacket on to enter. WOW! This was certainly a first for me. Of course, I did not have one on me but I was directed to the coat check room where I borrowed one for a 50 euro deposit. This was getting even more intimidating.

So now, looking dashing in a coat about a size too big with jeans and a polo on, I entered the tables area. What a room! High ceilings, well-lit, players in tuxes, women in evening gowns, incredibly works of art on the wall, grand chandeliers, this was definitely not Vegas. I couldn’t help but feel like Daniel Craig taking on Le Chiffre in Casino Royale.

The room had several different side areas each containing a different game. In the main hall, 3 busy roulette tables were in full swing along with a card game that I didn’t even recognize over in the corner that was also in high demand. Most people were standing at the roulette tables and the layouts were bigger than in the US. There were also a couple of other betting options that I did not recognize either. And of course, as is the norm outside of the US, only single zero thus reducing the house edge in half.

I wanted to play but it didn’t take long for me to realize I was out of my league! All 3 tables were very busy and a few people were actually playing on two of them simultaneously. I watched as one older gentleman and one middle-aged woman dropped probably 12-15 FIFY EURO chips on the board with each spin. If you add that up, we’re talking about $800 a spin! And they were throwin’ em around like Tic-Tacs. Simply jaw-dropping.

So yeah, that coupled with the fact that I couldn’t read the board outside of the numbers, and I went looking for some blackjack. The BJ tables were tucked away in the back and there were about 5 of them. None of them were busy, maybe 2-3 guys at each and it was a pretty quiet room. Again…intimidating. I almost bailed but decided that I would regret it if I didn’t play a table game of some sort in Venezia.

So I sat down at a table, cashed in 100 euro (10 euro limit), and started playing with two others. The chips here were even unique. They were oval-shaped, not perfectly round, and were translucent and very light weight and soft. I played about 6 or 7 hands, won about half of them and then the other two gentlemen left. I was then told by the dealer that there was a 2-square minimum. So…if I wanted to keep playing I had to play two hands. Yikes. Needless to say, I was chipless about 15 minutes later although I did hit a couple of blackjacks in that timeframe. It did pay 3-2.

Once I was cashed out, I nodded to the dealer, threw a chip his way, and headed out. My total visit was about 90 minutes and I blew through 120 euro very quickly. I was a little bummed because the night was so young. It was about 11pm and the atmosphere along the streets was in full swing. Near the hotel, I found my way to a little cafe on the Grand Canal and sat down for a drink. This place was surprisingly not very crowded, but not anywhere near empty either. I found a table right on the Canal and ordered up a vodka and tonic. Every mixed drink I had in Italy was awesome by the way, as is the local beer.

As I sat there overlooking the water on that sultry, moonlit Venetian night, I suddenly was struck with the fact of what I had just done. I went into a casino housed in a 500 year old palace, lost a decent amount of money, left, and was now relaxing and enjoying a beverage under the stars.

It hit me that this was the exact way that many a wealthy Venetian had spent their evenings over the past half-millennium. That same building, those same games, those same cobble-stone alleyways, those same cafes…since 1509. I became blissfully lost in this realization and felt a sense of honor wash over me. At that moment, I was no longer a tourist, but a living part of a vibrant Venetian night. A local for an evening. Drenched in history, plunged within timelessness, and adrift on the small waves of the winding canals.

In no other spot on this planet could I have had that same experience except for right there in Venezia. Many have asked me what my favorite part of the trip was. While it’s nearly impossible to name just one “part”…I have just told you about my favorite single moment.

Jul 16

Maximum Vegas on a Budget

by Rolka Nation

Greetings! Your ol’ pal Pittsburgh Gil is a man of many reputations. One thing that I am certainly known for amongst my inner-circle is a tendency to be a little frugal. Some would even say that I’m downright cheap. Now I wouldn’t quite go that far, but sure, I do admit that I can be a little tight at times. But, not too long ago I pinpointed this personal trait and now understand and embrace it. I’ve learned that I am far from cheap/frugal when it comes to having great, fun experiences. What I mean by this is that I’ll go all out on things that one does not get to do every day or have consistently easy access to. Examples of these types of things would be traveling, going to a concert or theater performance, going whitewater rafting, checking out an amusement park or water park, etc. However, where my penny-pinching comes into play is in regard to things of the complete opposite. And by that I mean life’s nagging little necessities. You know…clothing, food, hydration, etc.

To quote Kenny Powers, “I have clothes like a fuckin’ dickhead”. Yes, ’tis true. I simply do not care to pour a lot of attention, effort, or money into my wardrobe. I get by ok though, I’m not coming into work looking like Kevin Costner in Waterworld or anything…but you get the point. When it comes to food though, I definitely do enjoy a fine meal and a tasty beverage. However, I’ve always had trouble forking out $50+ for a simple meal. No matter how good it might be, I’d rather just hit up a decent bar and get a good burger or pile of nachos for 1/5th of that cost. After all, the end result is always the same. You’re full and don’t have to worry about eating again for 5-7 hours. Well, unless you’re a greedy, gluttonous sloth-like person. Like Matthew Broderick.

This philosophy comes into play hardcore in Vegas. You’re bombarded by luxury hotels and suites, high-priced restaurants by celebrity chefs, and fancy bars or clubs where a drink will run you over $10. These things are great, but I don’t go to Vegas to eat and drink well. Sure, that’s a fantastic byproduct of being in Vegas…but I’m there for the gaming, shows, and all the fun that comes along with that.

So…here are Pittsburgh Gil’s tips to save a little green in Vegas, but not compromising any of the fun!

– Either start or end your trip on a Saturday. I’ve always liked this and have done it several times. Either go out to Vegas on a Saturday and stay 3-4 nights or go out on Tuesday or Wednesday and leave Saturday. Why? Well, for starters…hotels will be less. We all know hotel rates triple on Fri and Sat nights, especially on the Strip. This way you only have to bother with 1 night of pricey accommodations and savor the $30-50 a night specials the other nights. Killer. Sundays are typically the most expensive day to fly as well.

– Spend a night downtown in Old Vegas. I love to start my trip downtown. The hotels are cheaper, the table games have lower limits, and you can find great meals for under $10. I have stayed at both Fitzgerald’s and Binion’s on a Saturday for about $40 and had a blast. Compare that to potential $150-200 a night rates on the Strip that very same date. No-brainer. The rooms aren’t fantastic, but who gives a damn, it’s your first night in Vegas and you’ll move up to bigger and better accommodations soon enough. If you want to splurge a little, stay at The Golden Nugget. It would fit in just fine on the Strip.

Great dining options downtown include the 777 Brewpub at Main Street Station, the Main Street Station buffet, Magnolia’s at Four Queens ($8 prime rib dinner with club sign-up), Chicago Brewing Company at Four Queens, and Flame at El Cortez. I forget the name, but Four Queens also has an awesome, retro steakhouse in the basement. And I have to mention the 99 cent shrimp cocktail at Golden Gate.

For shows, I’ve heard great things of the Rat Pack is Back show at The Plaza downtown and the Golden Nugget always has multiple entertainment offerings and a shark tank at their pool to boot. For gaming, you can’t beat 24 hour a day quarter roulette and $2 blackjack at Cortez and pretty much any downtown casino will have the same…although possibly only during the daylight hours. Another great thing about downtown is that all the casinos are lined up long a mere 4 blocks and the street is pedestrian-only. It’s very quick and easy to casino-hop here, unlike the Strip.

– Always check what offers you have at casinos room-wise before you go. I haven’t paid full price on the Strip in a long long time and never intend to ever again. If you don’t have any play racked up, check out the casino’s websites and sign up for their email newsletters to receive specials on room rates. Check sites like travelzoo.com as well for published specials. If you know what you’re doing, you’ll always get a room discount in some shape or form. For my upcoming Labor Day trek, I’m paying a grand total of $150 for 4 nights over a holiday weekend center-Strip at Harrah’s. Can’t beat that with a rubber snake.

– Of course, always sign up the casino’s Player’s Club. Always. Just do it. Even if you don’t foresee yourself playing there all that much, still do it. Sometimes you’ll get a free gift just for taking 3 minutes to sign up. I’ve gotten T-shirts, free slot play, decks of cards, and more. It amazes me when I see people droppin’ cash in a casino but not bothering to sign up. I have also heard, but have yet to try, that you can rack up 2 free buffets at The Wynn fairly easily based on your play in the first 24 hours after signing up for the club.

– Go to Casino Royale! This is one of my favorites on the Strip for good, cheap gaming fun. It’s right next to Harrah’s and quite small. Sign up for their club and get coupons for free play and free drinks plus one that I always take advantage of. They always have a coupon that will pay you $10 cash if you hit a spin of 40 credits or more while playing the Wheel of Fortune slots. If you’re gonna play a few slots anyway, why not do this? I’ve gotten it every time with minimal play. There’s also one for $20 in cash if hitting 4-of-a-kind on video poker. I’ve cashed in on that successfully as well. Royale also has a lively atmosphere and plays good music.

I will stop there for now kids! But stay tuned for the sequel where I will outline even more ways to throwdown in Vegas for minimal coin.

Jul 7

Matthew Broderick is Stupid

by Rolka Nation

And now for a break from our regularly scheduled program, I present to you Pittsburgh Gil!

Greetings fellow degenerates! It’s your ol’ pal Pittsburgh Gil here to spread the good word. You all doing ok? Fantastic! So anyway, Donnie Boy and I took a little impromptu trip to the Gulf Coast a couple of weeks back and the world simply must hear our harrowing tale. And by “the world”, I mean the 12 of you that read this blog.

The backstory of this trip was rooted in uncertainty. But that uncertainty soon turned to triumph. Your’s truly was admittedly a little on the fence about doing this trip at first due to financial matters. I have an adventure approaching in Italy which is certainly not as cheap as say…not going to Italy…so I had to conserve. Throw in the fact that we could not find a room at a casino for under $200…and apprehension set in. But fear not good readers. After some deep introspective thought whilst bathing in an 82 degree bubblebath at home two nights before the trip, I had an epiphany. An epiphany of fun. I was all-in baby!

Donnie Baseball and I pulled anchor in Atlanta mid-day Friday and started the arduous journey to our 5-star hotel…the Quality Inn on Washington Avenue off exit 97. This turned out to be our best lodging option because I utilized my 20% off at Choice Hotels ASCAP discount to get the room for just $60 a night. What is ASCAP you might ask? The American Society of Composers, Artists, and Publishers. I’m a published songwriter. A brilliant one. Deal with it.

After 5 1/2 hours and two bags of peanut M&Ms, we reached our amazing hotel, had a Johnny Walker, and promptly hit the IP for gaming galore. Our first night can be summed up with 3 words: City, Of, and Champions. It was here where I was privileged enough to watch my Penguins upset the Detroit Red Wings on the road to win the Stanley Cup. All this while enjoying a bucket of 5 beers at a discounted price! With Pittsburgh officially now being The City of Champions, it was time to celebrate. Don and I hit the BJ tables hardcore-style. Several hours, beers, and Maker’s later….we were doing well. It was nearing 1AM and I was plunging deeper into a drunken stupor so we decided to end the night soon. But not before hitting some nice hands and ending the evening slightly up. I’ll take that any night! Then we stopped so Don could purchase a 3 gallon jug of water. Then to bed.

Day 2 began ominously. The Denny’s that we wanted to patron for lunch was closed for remodeling. We ended up at a Waffle House. Don ordered every breakfast item known to man and I got a chicken sandwich. Don made the right choice.

Back to the IP for my first ever real poker tournament! I’m somewhat new to poker but am learning at a frenetic pace. I was apprehensive about this as well but I decided to just roll with it. We bought in for $60 but got like $2500 worth of chips. I honestly didn’t even know tourneys worked that way. I ended up getting assigned to the most boring table ever. Old, quiet, steely-eyed men were on special that day. And they were all at my table. Despite liking poker, this is one of my reservations with the game in a casino. It can be kind of boring and not all that fun depending on who you’re playing with. Oh well though, I was in this for the learning experience. Well….I did pretty well. I won 3 hands, played for about 90 minutes, and outlasted 5 others at my table. It wasn’t until this tiny, crazy, loud Asian dude bought in that things started to go downhill. He sat right next to me and talked my ear off…perhaps threw me off my game a little. He was good though and sounded like Khan on King of the Hill so at least I was thoroughly entertained.

At this point, I bowed out gracefully and headed down to the casino to wait for Don. He didn’t last too much longer than me and we were soon on another BJ table. Don took this table by storm and quickly won about a grand. Hedge economics works, people. Stellar.

We decided to head out for a bit and cruised the ocean strip and downtown Gulfport. Downtown Gulfport is about as exciting as my grandmother’s backyard….unfortunately. Then it was off to a BBQ joint called The Shed that I’ve heard about but never had the chance to visit. If you’re ever in the area and even remotely like BBQ……GO! All I have to say, just do it. And don’t eat anything for 3 days leading up to it.

Back to the IP one last time. We decide to play some dollar Wheel of Fortune slots and I hit wins of 160, 300, and then a spin for 400 in about a 5 minute spin. AMAZING!! I cashed out $775 from my $100 buy-in. This was my single best session in personal gambling history and I was flying high. To celebrate, we went for a quick drink at the IP pool bar. The IP’s pool area is quite nice with a good bar, food, and a giant TV overlooking the pool.

We then had a couple more decent BJ sessions, was frightened by a redneck in a wife-beater who for some reason stored his pack of Marlboro Reds down his shirt in his wife-beater as opposed to his pocket or simply resting them on the table, and then called it a trip.

Final Thoughts:

– Don did very well, a true BlackJack ace

– I had my first ever trip where I came home with more money then I went with, including all food, gas, entertainment, etc.

– the drive down to Biloxi is just bearable enough. Not too long, but an hour longer would be rough. Very do-able.

– The Shed rules

– the IP has an awesome comp system

– Matthew Broderick was wrong. There were no “Blues” had by Don and I in Biloxi this weekend!

– F YOU MATTHEW BRODERICK!! Your wife is weird looking.

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